Confucius or Abraham Lincoln once said, “The only thing constant is change.” That’s a good quote, but I have a better one: “The only thing consistent is hypocrisy.” Allow me to explain.
As one may gather from my previous posts, there are many aspects of pop culture I genuinely dislike, including, but not limited to, The Disney Channel; “Twilight” (both the series and the time of day); John Mayer-esque music; and reality television (let’s just pretend my Britain’s Got Talent post was a satire…). Not only am I repelled from these aspects of culture, but I tend to view them as objectively ”bad,” and then, by the distributive property (because I’m sick and tired of the transitive property being the only property used in non-mathematical situations) tend to unfairly view those who enjoy these things as “wrong.”
Not only is this rude of me, but it is also extremely hypocritical, which leads back to my original quote.
I was a big Harry Potter fan. Like really big. And while it’s easy for me to sit back in my 18th century rocking chair and ask obnoxious questions like “Do any intelligent people watch The Hills?” or “Remember that really chill John Mayer song?”, I’m well aware of the fact that people 6 or 7 years older than me probably looked at the chubby kid practicing “wingardium leviosa” with the same contempt.
While I could discuss this hypocrisy in pop culture preferences more thoroughly (see: “Nickelodeon was SOOOOOOOO much better in the 90s. Right? RIGHT?!?!), this introduction was merely a mechanism to set up an important lesson I learned from the Harry Potter series.
In the 3rd book (Prisoner of Azkaban), Harry and the gang break into the Shrieking Shaq to catch Sirius Black, who Harry is convinced betrayed his parents. When they get there, they find out that Remus Lupin, Harry’s teacher at Hogwarts, is actually Sirius’ BFFL! The gang is stunned, but more so when they learn that Lupin is a werewolf with an extremely coincidental surname. He’s really embarrassed when they all find out (apparently being a werewolf is a bad thing in the Potter universe) but after he explains to them the efforts he goes through to prevent his monthly transformations from hurting anyone (take notes, ladies), they’re all cool with him.
Why, you may ask, did this scene resonate with me so?
The way Lupin felt about others knowing he was a werewolf is the same way I feel when people find out I do musical theater.
Now before you all jump out of your 16th century Glastonbury chairs and shout “What are you talking about Josh? Musical theatre is so dope!”, please note two things: First, this is America, and we put our ‘e’s before our ‘r’s. Second, it’s not doing musical theater I have a problem with; rather, it’s the stigma that goes along with doing musical theater that makes me uncomfortable revealing that tid-bit about myself. To paraphrase the great Joe Houlihan, “I do musical theater…but I’m not a bitch.”
I have been performing in musicals for quite some time, and there is one thing I have taken from it above everything else: For being pigeon-holed as a progressive, gay-loving, welcoming medium, musicals are surprisingly reactionary. More specifically, musicals tend to promote the anti-feminist idea that a woman must “have a man” in order to be successful. Some examples:
Grease:
Independent woman. Wants to fall in love, not simply so that she can “be with someone,” but because it will make her happy. Is not o.k. with men treating her like crap. Sticks up for herself.
Resolution: That ain’t gonna happen, toots. You need to wear your clothes like everyone else and be cool. Because that’s what boys want. And why would you behave in any way besides what boys want? Sure they may slap you around, but you’re wearing tight leather, so you’ll be alright.
Annie Get Your Gun
Independent woman. Wants to fall in love, not simply so that she can “be with someone,” but because it will make her happy. Ridiculously talented. Also has dreams to be a famous performer.
Resolution: One or the other, toots. You’re either going to get a man, or you’re going to follow your dreams…you can’t have it both ways. Of course, she goes with the man, and gives up on all of her other goals.
Thoroughly Modern Millie
Independent woman. One of the new brand of “moderns” of the 1920s, who believed that woman were just as rational and intelligent as men.
Resolution: Actual line of dialogue from the movie, spoken, at the end of the film, by the once-independent woman to her love interest: “Oh no. I don’t want to be your equal anymore. I want to be a woman. A dandy little bundle for a fellow to cuddle.” That’s an actual line from the movie!
So as you can see, although there may be some exceptions (Fiddler on the Roof and Sweet Charity come to mind), musical theater is, in many ways, a rather conservative practice, although I can’t really imagine Newt Gingrich shaking his booty to “You Can’t Stop the Beat.”
But over the last few days, I began to think that perhaps I was being too hard on musicals. After all, isn’t art merely a reflection of society? Surely there must be other, less jazzhands-infused places where these same sexist norms are being reinforced. And guess what! Apparently (and you may not believe me) there is sexism outside of Broadway. And you claimed you never learned anything from a blog.
It was in a commercial.
No, not a beer commercial, and not a car commercial, but a mother-fucking Frito-Lays commercial.
Now, apparently I’m not the first to notice the racist, sexist nature of this commercial. It seems benign at first…a sad yellow circle in a world of green circles. It tries to paint itself green, which works surprisingly well until it rains. But apparently it decides instead of buying waterproof paint or, I dunno, an umbrella, it’s just going to give up. That’s when it passes a blue circle, whose color is representative of its mood. The two join together, and now are green like everybody else.
While there are obvious racist overtones (undertones?) to the commercial (why be one color when you can be a better color?), I found it to be quite sexist as well.
Listen to the music. Where might you hear that song? If you answered a Michael Cera/Rachel McAdams romantic comedy, you’d be absolutely right! Clearly, the commercial is implying that these two circles are more than friends…they may even be “going all the way around the circumference,” if you know what I mean. At the beginning of the commercial, the yellow circle is a single woman. All around her, she sees constant reminders that she should conform–marry, raise kids, be like everyone else. She is treated as an outcast, because she dares to think that a single woman can live a meaningful life. The green circles represent married couples, and, just like the musicals discussed above, the commercial is saying that women should not feel content until they have a man.
That, and that you should eat Lays.
The second part’s true, by the way. They’re delicious.
I’m not a bitch but I don’t think I would have noticed the gender normative messages/societal impositions of that commercial without your help.
I add this blog to the list of banned Bad Comedy activities (along with slam poetry and fan fiction) because despite the fact that you’re already quite prolific, this effort should be in the form of a sketch. Also, your hatred of bubble-pop culture has only increased my regret for never getting around to writing the sketch where you are a deeply embittered gossip/pop-news reporter. Perhaps you can write it for yourself?
a(b+c)=ab+ac
Just thought you should know what the distributive property is.
I know what the fuck the distributive property is!
Dude you have no idea how much it hurt me to find out that you were in musical theater after 4 years of thinking i knew you, thats what makes you a b****. But its ok im not angry now because youve finally revealed this fact to the world even if you had to shove it between two far more interesting subjects.